I GOT ME SOME

OK, SO I WAS ON A MISSION. IT TURNED OUT PRETTY AWESOME. I WAS THINKING 'MAN', BUT ENDED UP WITH A 'WOMAN', AND OMG, IT WAS FUN. I WANT TO GO BACK AND DO THIS, AND TRY THAT... SHE WAS SO WILLING AND HOT. OF COURSE THE NEXT MORNING (IT WAS ACTUALLY AFTERNOON BY THE TIME I WOKE), IT WAS AWKWARD AND SLIGHTLY ANNOYING. I'M ASSUMING THAT WENT FOR BOTH OF US. WHILE WE WERE IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL, IT WAS EXCITING AND WE WERE DRUNK/HIGH. I KEEP RUNNING IT OVER IN MY HEAD, BUT RELIVING IT IS ALMOST NOT WORTH IT, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHEN IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN AND I WANT IT TO BE SOON. WITH HER WOULD BE OK, BUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE NEW, SOMEONE IN ADDITION WOULD BE EVEN BETTER.

SO, I WAS PUSHY AND UNETHICAL... TO A POINT. I HAVE THIS THING ABOUT BEING HONEST THESE DAYS, BUT THERE ARE OBVIOUSLY FLAWS IN MY SYSTEM. I WON'T BOTHER DISCUSSING THEM. I AM HIDING FROM IT SO OF COURSE I DON'T WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. NOT OUT LOUD.

I'M THINKING I'M ACTING OUT IN THIS WAY BECAUSE I AM AFRAID OF GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE NO ONE WILL HAVE ME. I WANT TO BE DESIRED, I WANT TO FEEL POWER. I WANT PLEASURE. I WANT ENTERTAINMENT. THESE MOMENTS THAT I EXPERIENCE IN REAL LIFE AFTER SPENDING NIGHT AFTER NIGHT FANTASIZING ABOUT ARE MOMENTS WHEN I DON'T FEEL SO EMPTY AND THEY DETER REMINDERS THAT FULFILLMENT FOR ME IS STILL SO VERY FAR AWAY.

EITHER THAT, OR IT'S JUST PLAIN FUN ;)