do you really hope you'll never see me again?

WHAT WAS IT THAT YOU COULDN'T DO FOR ME THAT I NEEDED? YOU SAID YOU had LOVED ME AND THAT YOU WENT THROUGH PAIN WHEN YOU REALIZED YOU COULDN'T GIVE ME WHAT I NEEDED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT that is. WHAT WAS IT THAT YOU THOUGHT I NEEDED FROM YOU THAT YOU COULDN'T GIVE ME? PLEASE DON'T BE VAUGE. BE VERY SPECIFIC. EXPLAIN IT TO ME. I DON'T UNDERSTAND, AND I'M IN PAIN NOW BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH I DON'T KNOW STILL.

AND DID YOU REALLY MEAN YOU HOPED YOU'D NEVER SEE ME AGAIN? THE MOMENT YOU TOLD ME, I KNEW IT WAS PROBABLY ENTIRELY TRUE, BUT I ALSO THOUGHT MAYBE IT WASN'T. MAYBE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I FEEL LIKE IF IT WERE A CERTAINtY FOR YOU, I MAY BE BETTER OFF IF I BELIEVED IT AND KNEW THERE WAS NO CHANCE FOR CHANGE... IT MAKES SENSE THAT I WOULD HAVE TO ACCEPT IT THEN, AND THAT WOULD BE THE KEY TO SUCCESS FOR MY HURT. BUT I'M SO SCARED TO FACE THAT... I would have to face that my deeds and actions lead to this, that it isn't just your fault, that i could have done things differently, and now i don't know what to do. i would have to face that i did something horrible enough to run off a person i have loved and still love.

if i never get the courage to face my errors, i would then NEED FOR THERE TO BE A POSSIBILITY THAT YOU STILL HAVE A NEED ME, BECAUSE I HAVE A NEED FOR YOU THAT OTHERS CAN'T TOUCH. I'M AFRAID THAT ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE, AND THEN I'LL BE SCREWED AND UNABLE TO LOVE AGAIN. I NEED ONE OF TWO THINGS. YOU TO STILL NEED ME AND FOR US TO RESOLVE THIS IN THE LONG RUN, OR FOR ME TO NO LONGER HAVE A NEED FOR YOU. I PREFER THE FORMER, WILL SETTLE FOR THE LATTER, AND WILL SUFFER IF I GET NEITHER.