how horrific to think of all that has disappeared... all the sweet times he and i stared into one another's eyes, all the times we wound our bodies up so tightly together and fell asleep like that. we couldn't have had a stronger grasp, our fingers and palms pressing and pushing to the same physical limits as our torsos and intertwined legs. all the light kisses i'd touch his forehead with over and over, and the way he'd stroke my cheek with his fingertips while he thought of how wonderful i was in that moment... gone.
in it's wake is doubt and uncertainty magnified a hundred times. in the attempt to keep calm, i try to remind myself that i don't KNOW that he has been cheating on me or that he DID break up with me because he was seeing someone else or that he HAS gotten back with his ex-girlfriend. i try to remind myself that it is entirely possible he is alone except for the people he sees while at school and the times he spends with his roommates. but then an image of his legs and arms and dick and mouth and hands all over another woman in the same bed that i was sleeping soundly in only recently pops into my poisoned mind. and then i can't breathe. then i cry. doesn't matter where i am. i can be speaking with my boss, in the middle of a sentence, and suddenly my skin flushes red and my voice hitches, i falter and as quickly as possible leave the room to cry in a lonely, sterile stall with only the toilet to hear my muffled sobs.
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