good person

ok, so i finally hooked up with someone. first time since my ex, first time in 4 months. that is twice as long as the last time i went that long without sex while not being in a (long-distance) relationship. i didn't feel much of anything. it was fun, but i'm not feeling anything more for this guy than friendship. i wanted him gone in the morning, because i knew he liked me. i just wanted sex. god, i feel like an asshole. i shouldn't had lead him on like that.

anyway, now i have the feeling that i hurt him and he doesn't want to talk to me again. what is really bothering me about all of this is this is reminding me of how ____ treated me. but this is after 2 dates, not 2 years. i fucking hate him.

anyway, no more hooking up with guys that really like me unless i really like them. no more dates after that moment i realize i will never feel a spark. i am the kind of person that will not do the right thing by a person if i do not feel a spark. i will keep my options open and split at the first sign of a potential spark. fuck. honesty is the only way through all this. and not just telling the other person what is up, because they can and will lie to themselves. it means avoiding them for their own good. otherwise they set themselves up. that is what i did with ___ and he knocked me over (and would have knocked me up). i will not do that to another. i am a good person.