i took a trip cross-country and caught some concerts and spent time with my family and drove for many miles and it was fucking fantastic. freedom from so much that had been weighing me down. i didn't have to commute on the mother-fucking bus watching the same bullshit denizens in the same bullshit neighborhoods walking past the same bullshit stores and restuarants. i didn't have to make the daily trek to the neighborhood down the street from where my cock-sucking ex-boyfriend lives and now fucks someone new and improved. i didn't have to see the same faces at work and at home and at the bar that i have been staring at for the past way-too-many years. i didn't have take anything into consideration regarding what the hell to wear on what day other than the weather and my own mother-fucking preference.
i spent time with people who accepted me as i was, without judgment, resentment, or condition. i didn't worry about who i was with or what i was doing, because i needed no justification... it was where i wanted to be and there was no where else i would have choosen at that moment. i had spending money, tasty food, the means of transport, a drink whenever i wanted, and the hillsides and interstates to sooth and inspire me.
anyway, now i'm back in my pit, but it doens't seem so deep anymore. some sludge must have seeped in and hardened, allowing me closer access to the top and more of a chance at getting the hell out of here. in fact, i have a fairly amazing idea for a totally new direction. i'm keeping it under wraps for now, but just having this possibility in my head is making all the inane, annoying, insulting, and derogatory behavior of those around me a bit more tolerable.
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