no, not this

argh......... i am so stuck. i'm so unhappy with how things are. i hate this crap i read and hear about loving what you have instead of pining for what you don't. fuck that. i want what i want and i don't want to give up on it. shit, if i am settling for what is, how would i ever get to higher heights? who ever would? as much as i am grateful for those who i grew up with that are still by my side, i do not want to merely stay there and never venture out and try to suceed in more and more.

i know i'm being vauge. i hate being mean. i hate thinking that those i love and care enough are not good enough for me. shit. i thought i felt like writing, but really all i want to do is sleep.........