new woman

new woman for him. so angry. glad that it's final now. no more fooling myself. but why did he lead me on so much for so long? so unfair that he is starting with someone new when i'm incapable of that.

compared

TELL ME I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS YOUR OTHERS. TELL ME I'M BELOW YOUR STANDARDS AND ALL THE GENEROSITY IN THE WORLD WILL NOT BALANCE OUT THE FACT THAT I AM NOT WORTH STAYING WITH. TELL ME THESE THINGS SO I CAN MOVE ON AND ADJUST TO A LIFE OF LONGING AND MISERY. PLS LIFT ALL FALSE HOPE I COULD POSSIBLY HOLD ONTO. THE SOONER I ACCEPT MY LACK OF TALENT, LOOKS, AND COMMON SENSE, THE SOONER I CAN LEAVE YOU TO BUILD A BETTER LIFE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

yay just catching the bus (and you)

i am so glad i saw you today. i saw how in love with me you are. i know what i have to worry about, and other women are not at the top of the list (they are on there, but there are bigger obstacles to our union).

just please stay with me, don't stop seeing me or thinking of me or wanting me. i can be as patient as it takes, and i won't give up. more importantly, i will learn to ACCEPT you as is, and i will learn to be grateful for all you have to give, and not get pissed if there isn't more.

why do i feel ok?

you and i spoke, and the next day i felt better. i shouldn't have, because our conversation was nothing but sad... but you are soothing to me. you are the arms of my mother when i need to be rocked to sleep. you are the coffee that wakes me up when i can't keep my eyes open. you are the freshness in the air that clears my head when i go hiking in the old growth. if i go without contact with you, i slowly waste away.