quilt

i know what to do with your quilt!!! i was really trying my best to ignore the fact i even had it. i didn't know where to put it other than under my bed. that way it was entirely out of site, out of mind. if i put it in the basement, it would be with all the items i actually wanted and stored down there. under the bed is somewhere to put something when you really couldn't give two shits if you see it again. i knew i would actually make a decision regarding where it would go. i didn't want it to exist though, and i couldn't bring myself to destroy it. before i got it back from you, i fantizied about throwing in the river from off the bridge by your house. but again, i couldn't do that. i MADE it. it is ME. no way in the world that you deserved it, but no way that i deserved to kill it. it's an entity. it contains all the love i had for you. it contains so much of the love i have to give. i trusted you with it. i was wrong to give it to you. i wasn't wrong to have made it though. that quilt was my hope.

now i know what i want to do with it. i want to give it to someone needy, like a cancer patient or a homeless person. but i don't want it to exist as it is once it's out of my hands. i do have an urge to cut it... i want to cut that part of it out that is you. the part that taints it. the part that took a perfectly good and beautiful collection of flannel, fleece and thread and ruined it for all time. so... it will become SCARVES for the homeless! oh, they will be awesome, and they will be plentiful, and they will be OF VALUE. and if i'm lucky, you'll see one or two while you're waiting for the bus downtown.