strung along

IT IS SO EXTREMELY RARE THAT I GO AN HOUR WITHOUT CRYING. I SPENT SO LONG LOOKING TO YOU FOR COMFORT AND SOMEONE I COULD TRUST. I WISH I HADN’T BELIEVED YOU CARED ABOUT ME INFINITELY. YOU CARED ONLY SO MUCH. IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU TO STRING ME ALONG AND REAP THE BENEFITS OF MY AFFECTION AND ATTENTION THEN IT WAS TO STEP AWAY AND NOT LEAD ME INTO BELIEVING MY LOVE WOULD BE FULLY REQUITED. I AM AT SUCH A LOSS. I AM SO HURT AND SCARED AND ALONE. OF ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE A MESS IN MY LIFE, ONE OF THE MAJOR ISSUES IS THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH A GUY AND HE IS NOW WITH SOMEONE ELSE. AND WHO CAN I GO TO WHEN I NEED TO CRY ON SOMEONE’S SHOULDER AND BE HELD. THERE IS NO ONE.

I WISH YOU DIDN’T LEAD ME ON. I WISH I DIDN’T KID MYSELF THAT YOU WOULD ONE DAY LOVE ME THE WAY I LOVED YOU. I WAS SO WRONG ABOUT YOU. I REALLY FOOLED MYSELF, AND YOU HELPED ME DO IT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. IF YOU ARE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW RIGHT NOW, YOU DON’T DESERVE IT. I LIKE TO THINK THAT YOU’LL FUCK IT UP WHEN SHE REALIZES HOW EVIL YOU ARE. BUT THEN I THINK MAYBE I’M WRONG ABOUT YOU, AND YOU AREN’T EVIL, BUT I’M JUST STUPID.

YOU HURT ME SO MUCH. I WISHED YOU HAD NOT USED ME THE WAY YOU DID. IT WAS SO MEAN. I NEEDED TO BE LOVED. I STILL DO. IT’S GOING TO TAKE ME A WHILE TO GET PAST YOU. I WISH WE HAD BROKEN UP SOONER, OR BETTER YET, NOT HAD EVEN GOTTEN PAST THAT FIRST WEEK.