ok, so i'm pretty happy that i have someone special. it's a fucking relief. it's a huge ease to my loneliness. he sleeps with me, listens to me bitch, spends time with me, goes hiking, drinks coffee, plays board games, and we have the same friends. he loves meeting people i know, has introduced me to his, he and i are planning a huge trip this summer cross country, talk about tons of extensive travel together, parties with me, spends money on me, lets me spend on him, and loves to watch movies and shows with me. his taste in music is good, he likes a lot of what i do music wise, is smart, loves math, chess, backgammon, wants to go on bike rides with me, does me any favor i ask, goes down, has a sweet cock, beautiful eyes, is young but not immature at all, isn't religious, is funny, loves to cuddle, into pda no problem, and tells me he loves but isn't jealous at all. then why am i not madly in love? or a better question is... is it ok that i'm not madly in love? i feel like i love him, but i suspect there is a chance i don't. at least, i suspect that there is a chance that i don't want the same intensity of a relationship that he does. i also have another, stronger suspicion though... that if i was taking care of my life, i would be super happy to have him in my life just the way he is. also, he isn't working, he isn't trying to do anything specific other than hike and travel. and game. however, he's only in his mid 20's and hasn't followed through with college. he isn't much different than me when it comes to the lack of goals, but he is younger, so maybe that can or will change? i hope so. the flip side is it could get worse.
i pray i don't have to discuss this with him. i pray we even out.
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