cunts

i need to stop wondering what happened. i need to stop wanting to contact him or anyone that knows him or knew him. i need to keep it simple. i know he lied to me. i know he emotionally cheated on me. i know he went out with other women and that they weren't just friends. i know that he broke up with me because he met someone else. i know it is likely he slept with someone else... or numerous someone elses. it could have been his roommate the entire time he lived in the house share. they could have dropped in on each other's rooms on nights no one else was around and i wasn't staying there. i did find women's clothing in his room at least once.
it could have been his ex-girlfriend. she actively pursued him while we were together and i finally knew that with certainy after about a year. before that, she crashed at his house one night when i was there, seemingly just because she was in the neighborhood for the monthly fair held every summer, but maybe there were more times she dropped in when i wasn't there.
i'm getting sick going into this detail. i know either these specific things happened, or things similar and just as horrible. oh, how i want him to tell me what they were!!!! i am obsessed with wondering, wondering, wondering. when does it stop?! i need to stop it. i don't know how yet, but perhaps the first step is completely accepting I WILL NEVER FIND OUT, HE WILL NEVER TELL ME, I CAN NEVER DISCOVER THE TRUTH, THE CUNTS HE FUCKED WILL NEVER TALK.