it will pass

i went on a date tonight proper. he picked me up, we took a walk through a park, he paid for my fancy meal, we caught live music, then chilled out with a smart cocktail and creme brulee. and he drove a jaguar. he was the most interesting guy i've met since you and i split. i won't compare him to you and vice versa, because i'm getting past that... meaning you are not all that to me any more. i want what i had with you, but i don't want you anymore. not you as you are. i want the man i thought you to be. jesus, why is this so hard? i want to feel clear and self righteous, but all i feel is a subtle longing. luckily, i can come out of a date like this and focus on what was good about it instead of what i wished it was... that's because i know it will come, and if it doesn't, that frees me up for so much more in my life that wouldn't be possible if i were hung up on another you.
anyway, my date wasn't bad, but it wasn't stellar either. it was a good practice run. it could be more, but i'm thinking that the best thing to come out of tonight was that he and i could really relate. you see, his love left him. she was no longer in love with him and he was and had been set on the two of them together forever. pretty much as i was about you. we both have had our hearts broken we are both learning from scratch.
i know you may be alone, but i know it's more likely you spent the day with your new woman. perhaps you called your mom today for mother's day while you slipped into a guest bedroom at your new girlfriend's mom's house right before dinner was served. jesus, i hate you at moments like this!
i am so going to fuck you out of my brain one day. i don't care how fucking long it takes, i will crowd you out of my head if it's the last thing i do. why should a piece of shit like you get to take up so much of my life after you've left it?! why must everything come down to you!? why does every guy that shows interest in me turn me off, but the idea of you in my head flickers a low flame in my twat.
you are evil, sir. fucking sick fuck.